oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
