at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
