When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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