My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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