the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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