Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
