I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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