She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
