How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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