you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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