Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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