I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
