Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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