last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
