yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
