come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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