I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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