1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
