dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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