He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
