if you like me you must not know who I am
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
