she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
