the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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