google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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