Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
