You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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