My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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