Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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