I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
