you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
