just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
