He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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