Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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