what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
