Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
