feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
