I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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