next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
