Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
