I wish I could punch you in the face.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
