i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
