It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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