Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
