Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
