Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm always down for nudity.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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