Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
