I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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