it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
