physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
