Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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