By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
