around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
